All is not as it seems.
Believe me, I used to think that life events were random. I navigated my life with the hope of incurring the least pain, since pain was a reference point (family, friends, money), always. There would be those unplanned events that turned me upside down and make me question how it could be so. I lived each day assuming what I did, what I said, what I hoped for were in my control. Not so fast, you don’t know the half of it.
I found out I was wrong about what constituted the process of living. I found this out when I got really, really sick in 2012. I found out that in my mind, I’d asked to die, and my body complied. Too much pain. Too much trouble. Now, don’t get me wrong, not everybody wishes to die when they encounter too much pain in their lives, but it is a strategy. It is a strategy to remove oneself from the unbearable.
But what is unbearable really? We all have different litmus tests—ideas in our minds as to how much is too much. It doesn’t matter that we have different ideas, it matters only that some of us choose illness to get out of our situation. Is it bad to choose such a way?
In illness, we get a chance to re-evaluate our life. Is it better than not existing? Who will it affect? What will change as a result? What will I have to give up? What will I gain? Whether or not we are aware of asking these questions, the answers to them determine our course. For me, I decided not to die. The slog back to wellness was a long one, but filled with insight. I got this great chance to re-evaluate my life. Well, more than that. I got to learn what living really is. What its purpose is, and the purpose of those pesky life events. Turns out, ALL OF IT is meaningful. ALL OF IT is for a very important purpose—our own soul learning. Over and over, we are given the opportunity to learn something, something important—it may be how to value oneself and others different from us, it may be how to stand up to those who oppress us, courageously, it may be simply how to be a human being in relationship with another human being in this dimension we call earth. All of our life situations are for that purpose, the same lesson, over and over, as if getting a traditional education in school, this is soul school. And when it gets to be exam time, these lessons can be tough! So look again at your life—do you see repeating patterns of arguments? Relationships? Partners? Work strife? You can choose illness and ultimately, death, but you can also turn around and see things differently. That is what my book, Healing: A Conversation, is about—making that choice. Join me.